I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
