dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
