just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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