A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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