I molested 6 butterflies tonight
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
