Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
