I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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