There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I believe in your delicious
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
