Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
