shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
