Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
