Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
