I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
