I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
