I think i sorta joined a cult last night
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
