great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
