is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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