youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
