epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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