I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
