I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
