just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize
