operation harelip BJ is a go
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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