Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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