so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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