Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
