Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
