My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
