You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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