just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
