I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
