I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
