My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
