Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
