Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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