My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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