Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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