i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
