I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Of course I have a pirate flag
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
