when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
