i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
