The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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