anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
