thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
