Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
