That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
she smelled like a LAN party
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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