awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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