Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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