This is not my ceiling
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
