I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
