I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
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