Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
