Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
